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Autumn Wines

Poetry & Prose | November 12, 2013

There’s nothing like a fine glass of wine on a crisp autumn night. But how do you know which wine to choose? Here’s a list to steer you in the right direction.

The Kanye
While this incredibly complex chardonnay has been snubbed of many awards, its bitter aromas and high acidity deserve another look. Don’t be quick to judge: it’s ahead of its time.

The Jay-Z
Both classy and street-savvy, this Merlot only gets better with age. With just a splash of unfiltered Brooklyn tap water, it appeals to palates both young and old. Perfect for corporate events.

The LL Cool J
This smooth and buttery Pinot Grigio is a guaranteed hit in the bedroom. It has an extra-chiseled finish and a nearly perfect structure. Ages surprisingly well.

The Dr. Dre
In development since 2001, this much-anticipated Malbec has a body that becomes oddly robust with age. Do not expect a release date.

The Macklemore
You don’t have to be a connoisseur to enjoy this very white wine. While some claim it to be widely overrated and weak on the palate, it has a youthful, easy finish with just a dash of pretension. Consume quickly. Does not age well.

The Drake
This moody Sauvignon Blanc has distinct feminine undertones and hints of Canadian bacon in every sip. It will dig up emotions you didn’t even know you had. Keep tissues handy.

The Notorious B.I.G.
Making you nostalgic for all the right reasons, this full-bodied, highly caloric red is a timeless selection. Some claim its grapes can be sourced to Bermuda though it is yet to be confirmed.