before there were rooms

there was no Here or There

no spacial frame of referent

to section off all of the places

we could not go

 

ONE BIG SPACE!!! it is almost too much to consider

(consider it, though,

 

 

 

I am interested in space and words and words in space and the spatiality of words even though often it feels like the walls I draw beg me not to look at them

(shame, shame, shame for constituting structure)

 

a center was found, or created, or both

 

 

to be the first person in the first room must have been scary

(sometimes it is still scary to be in rooms, especially the ones we call bodies) <— (too much?)

 

 

 

 

I want to ask my dad if he’s ever kissed a man

usually, Touch is an Excess that fails to keep itself from flowing over

 

 

 

SUBMERGED

smoking while swimming makes (poetic) logical sense

nothing untouched by the

swirling water

structure always undoing itself

by design.

 

 

Stepping out of narrative

floating beneath a bright and warm

center

(outside of the structure, this time)

 

 

And there is a reason we write about water when we write about love.

Submerged.

Nothing left untouched.

 

 

called my dad and he told me that everything important to say won’t ever stop being important and that i shouldn’t rush things. wait, he says. he says i know we are impatient assholes and we want the Good Feelings and we want them Now                                      but sometimes the best thing to do is shut up and know that the really truly Good things?—they don’t happen or not happen because of anything you could do in an instant. so wait. wait it out even though we want the Good Feelings and we want them Now.

 

 

i ask my dad if he has ever read anne carson.

-who?

-never mind

 

 

 

I do not trust cathedrals

too easy to look through clean windows and believe you are looking at sky

(glass, actually)

 

is it too much to write about touch

and rooms

and words

at once?

 

 

those three might be the same, i think

and even if they weren’t,

i am doing my best lately not to shy away from excess.