in dreams, you don’t see, but you know.

you don’t dream about the flight,

you know you took the flight.

the experience is always

retroactive

after, things became fractured

i know where i am and what im doing

but somehow dont know that im doing it

memory leaking out of me

sometimes that is good

sometimes it is what i need

if i see it all at once the tides swell around me

levees break

over and over and i

cant breathe

but sometimes

sometimes when i cannot see

i still cannot breathe

and then i

forget how to step forward

to wake up in the morning

what does it mean to not know how to be

what does it mean to

not be real

in the eyes of the law,

or of the state,

or of yourself

to not know

yourself

it hurts to go through my day scared and it

hurts to go to sleep scared

and tired of feeling scared

and ready (not ready)

to wake up

scared

it hurts

to watch your fears be realized

to watch your fears

encroach upon your territory,

all of your territory,

the little of it

that you have left

the little of it

you ever had

the little of it

you carved out for yourself

when you had none