Gay and StraightForward Solutions

Dear Gay/Straight Guy:

My boyfriend is always busy playing videogames with his “bros” and he never answers my texts. What should I do?

– “<3 4 ever ”

Gay Guy: Let me level with you. Those video games were there before you, and they’ll still be there after you. Think of his copy of Halo or FIFA the same way you’d think of your favorite Longchamp bag or UGG slippers—they’re equally expensive safety blankets, and you just have to learn to cohabitate. So, instead of getting upset, use his “video game” time to go to the gym. That way, when you walk in front of the TV, his friends will at least compliment your butt.

Straight Guy: Don’t think of his videogames as competition, because you’ll lose. As long as you don’t acknowledge the problem, there won’t be one.

Dear Gay/Straight Guy:

I recently found some compromising pictures of myself on the Internet. I was pretty crazy when I was 16. But, I have a girlfriend now, and I don’t want her to see. What should I do?

–“No longer confused”

Gay Guy: Send pics.

Straight Guy: Don’t worry about it, man. We’ve all been there at some point in our lives. I mean, who hasn’t had one of those crazy nights that ended up online?  The best thing you can do is accept your wild and crazy past and move forward. That said, you should never under any circumstance let your girlfriend see them. Contrary to the Bible’s teachings, the truth will not set you free; it will only get you dumped.

Lie ‘til you die. O

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