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Opportunities

Poetry & Prose | February 18, 2014

Dear Olga,

I’m writing in response to your comment on the YouTube video, “Baby monkey rides a donkey.” You said your best friend’s sister-in-law Tatiana “makes $52 an hour sitting at home on her computer.” I’m very interested in this job opportunity. How can I apply?

Thanks a lot,
Ben

 

Dear Ben,

Thank you for your interest. Please send a resume and fifteen referrals. Just so you know, we require a minimum GPA of 4.0, a background in econometrics, and a working knowledge of Cantonese.

Yours truly,
Olga

 

Dear Olga,

Unfortunately, I meet none of those requirements. Are there any other opportunities available?

Thanks again,
Ben

 

Dear Ben,

Yes. Tatiana is looking for a husband. Please send a photo of your nude body and your most recent report from your physician. Just so you know, she requires a body mass index between 20 and 22 and an eight-inch penis.

Yours truly,
Olga

 

Dear Olga,

I meet none of those requirements either. Is there anything else available?

Thanks,
Ben

 

Dear Ben,

Just send the naked pic anyway.

Yours truly,
Olga

 

Dear Olga,

Would that get me the job?

Thanks,
Ben

 

Dear Ben,

Depending on the picture, yes.

Yours truly,
Olga

 

Dear Olga,

I attached the picture. What do you think?

Thanks,
Ben

 

Dear Olga,

Just checking in. Any updates?

 

Dear Olga,

What’s going on with the picture?

 

Dear Olga,

Can you just delete it from your computer?

 

Dear Olga,

Please don’t post it online.

 

Dear Ben,

Be proud of your body.

Yours truly,
Olga

 

Dear Olga,

You think so?

Thanks,
Ben

 

Dear Ben,

I know so.

Yours truly,
Olga