So fresh and so clean, clean

Sometime between 8 p.m. Friday, Feb 4 and 8:37 a.m. Saturday

An unknown individual decided perhaps that their dorm room showers didn’t give them the extra edge they needed for to impress a weekend date. Needing something more industrial to remove the grime of the week, the individual turned to Barnum Hall’s powerful chemical wash showers. Just like the roommate who doesn’t clean the hair from the drain, this individual fled the scene, leaving behind a wake of soggy ceiling tiles, soaked computers and sopping boxes. Police are considering anyone with extremely clean eyes as a suspect.

Your drunken peers have been busy: (1/29) at 1:34 a student from Carmichael to Lawrence Memorial Hospital (LMH), 1:48 Miller to LMH, (1/30) student to Somerville Hospital (SH), (1/6) South Hall female to SH, 1:08 Hillsides Apt. to LMH

Picture this: He busted in like a whirlwind, yelling obscenities, and leaving a trail of hurt in his wake. When the officers arrived, he clenched hateful fists, not willing to go down without a fight. A colorful struggle ensued.

In your version, was the protagonist a 64-year old, anti-Semitic male in the Hillel Center? In our version it was.

-illustrated and compiled by Ryan Stolp