Forget the stupid cliché about nothing being certain except for “death and taxes.” I could list about a million things that are certain. For example, if I watch a Sofia Copella movie, I will fall asleep. If I eat a bag of Starbursts, my stomach will hurt. Every day I will go to the bathroom multiple times. It is this last certainty that is of greatest importance. For all the time we spend in bathrooms, not enough time is spent thinking about the bathroom experience.

Bathrooms are fundamental to so many memorable collegiate moments. From being sprawled out on the tile floor clutching the toilet after a night of over-imbibing, to fighting a nasty bout of diarrhea after eating one of those weird fried chicken things stuffed with creamed broccoli from Dewick, to wearing sandals to avoid foot fungus while having sex in the South Hall showers, college is all about the bathrooms.

Tufts has a lot of bathrooms (437 by my estimation), spread across the campuses dorms, academic buildings, sporting facilities, and eating establishments. Despite their abundance, not all Tufts bathrooms are created equal. Some of them are quite pleasant, while others do very little to conceal the fact that they are literally shit holes.

I think we can all agree that there are few things better than taking a good poop. But really? How about a good poop in a great bathroom? Now that sounds awesome. Everything from the size of the stalls, the height of the urinal, the presence of  a hand dryer or paper towels, to the entertainment factor of the graffiti contributes to making a “good” or “bad” bathroom. Everyone has a preferred bathroom, that favorite place to drop trou.

Why do we hold these opinions? This column seeks to educate and stimulate the discussion about the bathroom experience at Tufts. It will highlight the best and worst bathrooms around campus, all while asking such hard hitting journalistic questions as, “Why are the Tisch bathrooms so terrible?” Keep reading throughout the semester to have all your wildest bathroom related questions answered.

Got a favorite spot to poop on campus? Know of any hidden bathrooms? Found any bidets in Bendetson? Lets us know! Send you hot steaming tips to TuftsBathrooms@gmail.com.