9/12/14: Notes To Self
1. you are human and your heart beats as faithfully as a prayer.
2. forgive yourself for making your heart soft enough for love. it is not your fault if others wrap their fists around it.
3. not everyone is trying to break you.
4. you are here because of your mother and her mother and her mother and her mother. remember your ancestors, remember your lifelines. remember the ones who are not here.
5. do not fracture yourself for the comfort of others.
6. you are not anyone’s quest to find themselves. you exist for yourself.
7. you are the daughter of immigrants raised working class- perpetually searching, unlearning, bleeding. do not forget this.
8. the revolution starts at home.
9. you whitewashed yourself for 11 years. you are still wringing the bleach from out of your hair. that is okay. you will be okay.
10. your yellow skin is so beautiful.
11. for months after it happened, you regarded yourself a broken and fragile thing. but this does not make you weak. you are not tainted by him. you are strong and beautiful, in spite of and because of your bruises.
12. your body finally feels like your own again. those who have conquered it are false gods. you are soft skin and so much light. they cannot take this away from you.
13. name everything. call it abuse if it is. call it anger if it is. call it family if it is. call it love if it is.
14. love will not always come crashing onto you out of the nowhere. sometimes it just creeps quietly but gently into your life.
15. do not police your emotions. do not police your words. feel everything. sit with yourself, with your emotions. let them burn up if they need to.
16. there is strength in your vulnerability. there is power in your vulnerability.
17. you are 20, still so wide-eyed and freckle faced. you are learning to love yourself, broken parts and all. but you are not broken.