an abundance of You
i am fully molded
by those who have spent even just one ounce of time
each step I take
was carefully choreographed in my brain
with the most meticulous of hands
the connections dancing through my head
the stronger bonds beating out the weaker ones
making sure i am full of the strongest good and the strongest bad
that comes from those
i only learned
because that was Your favorite language.
i only wear
because You always liked the way my cheeks would cradle them when i laughed.
i only know about
because i never wanted the effervescent light in Your eyes to dim.
i only drove home in a race against the sun rising
because Your slightly crooked smile made it worth it.
i only sat alone in Your worn-out hoodie in the back of the stands
because You played the 9.
i start to rise up again
and grow anew
and change into a creature more You than Me
yet all of Me and none of You.
smell of cigarettes and stale beer bring Me back to that humid june night
half-used bug spray with the top tossed off
torn white plastic lawn chairs knocked over
tops of my musty vans barely visible over the unruly grass
we lay intertwined on the graveled pavement
pointing at the brightest stars peeking through the clouds.
we could only be young once
but You showed Me how wrong i was.
these fleeting instances, once the most important thing to Me
now weathered and eroded by time and place and circumstance and all the intangibles we never before thought relevant.
i am abundantly full, bursting at the seams with You
and You sow in the cracks as my skin is pulled apart
coarse and dry impact craters
Your name just happens to be the same
as my favorite playlist to listen to
when i think about if we never met.
Your captivating smile and harmonious laugh
outside the yellow house on maple street
never fades each time i drive by
though the door has a couple more scratches
probably from the dog
though the grass is a little less green
probably from the way You could never park quite right in the driveway.
but Your influence continues to travel the winding road
starting at my biggest toe
snaking around my thigh behind my back and
gently brushing each vertebra
until it reaches the topmost freckle on my face.